Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
