Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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