i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
