Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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