Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
