And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize