Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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