apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
