The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
