The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
