Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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