Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
