Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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