apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
