I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just tell him i said nine months
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
