I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
