My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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