Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
