The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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