I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
