I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
