I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize