you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
