the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
