he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
