I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
