We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
