Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
