I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
