go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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