you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
