I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
