giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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