I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
