why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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