if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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