I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
