i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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