Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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