so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize