some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
