I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
