She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
