Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
