highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
