the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
