Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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