You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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