Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
