it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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