my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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