May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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