we made out on top of his cat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
