Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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