If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
