Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
