I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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