I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize