it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
