I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
