So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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