I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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