I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
