I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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