You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize