Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
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