No stitches, just platelets and will power
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
