so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize