I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
