So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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